Nonexisant Chub
by ShippingWriter
Summary: What happens when America has finally had enough of England insisting he's fat? After all, hey, he's not!


**This was originally uploaded to Deviantart, and I decided to upload it here as well. I made a platonic USUK thingy because most of my watchers on DA prefer FrUK.  
I was just thinking about the April Fools episode, and how everyone's always calling Alfred fat, but he really isn't. **

**I mean he practically had a 6-pack for pete's sake.**

 **And everyone always has England call America fat, so, IDK, this was created.**

 **Warnings: The word 'fatass' is used a lot.**

"Mattieee..." America whined, a pout on his face. "Why does he do this..."

"I don't know, Alfred. Maybe you should ask him."

America and Canada were sitting in Canada's kitchen, eating cookies. Canada had poured them out into a bowl for easier access, but America had just taken one look at them and sighed. Now, as America complained, Canada found himself eating most of them.

"He just never stops!" America insisted, pouting yet again. "It hurts me, you know?"

"I know, Alfred. I know. That's why you should talk to him."

"And say what? 'Hey, Iggy! Why do you keep calling me a fatass when I'm not?' He'll probably laugh at me." Canada sighed and handed him a cookie.

"Listen to me, Alfred. If it bothers you, you need to confront him about it, alright? He's always talking about how he's a gentleman. A real gentleman would listen to someone who has a problem, right?"

"Well, probably, but-"

"Then go talk to him. What have you got to lose?"

"My dignity." America muttered, taking a bite of the cookie. "My dignity, and my self-esteem."

"Oh for the love of-" Canada sighed. "Alfred. He is a gentleman. He said so himself. He won't laugh at you. Now go talk to him before I take out my hockey stick and beat some sense into you." America dropped the cookie and raised his hands in a defensive pose.

"Okay, Mattie, Jeez! Violent much? I'll go talk to Iggybrows after the meeting tomorrow!"

"Good." Canada smiled and picked up another cookie. "So, do you wanna play Mario Kart?"

"I'll beat the crap out of you at Mario Kart!"

"We'll see."

* * *

The next day, both North American brothers attended the world meeting as usual. The meeting went smoother than usual, due to America falling silent for the duration of the meeting, deep in thought. England took notice, and after the meeting, he approached him.

"Alfred." He started, tucking his papers under his arm. "You were unusually quiet today. Is something wrong?"

"Uhh, no? No, why would there be? I'm fine." America insisted, gathering his papers. "I just didn't feel like... like talking much today. That's all. I'm allowed to do that." England gave America a questioning look, before shrugging and sighing.

"Alright, whatever you say, Alfred. Just remember that you have a presentation to give next week, and-"

"Actually, Iggy?" America interrupted, setting his papers down. "I have a question."

"Oh? And what would that be?"

"Well, it's just..." America sighed. "You're always calling me a 'fatass.' And I'm not. And it bothers me. Can you stop doing that?" England looked at America for a moment, confusion slowly creeping across his face.

"Has this always bothered you?"

"Well, yeah." America sighed, running his hand through his hair. "Yeah, it really has."

"Well why didn't you say anything earlier? I would have stopped." England replied, sighing slightly.

"Well, but... why do you do it in the first place? You know I'm not fat!"

"Well," England muttered, deciding to set his folder down as well. "It's more of a preventative measure, I suppose. If I call you a fatass, you're more likely to make sure you _don't become_ one. I had no idea it bothered you that much."

"So... you're calling me a fatass... because you care about my health?" America stared at the wall for a second, deep in thought.

"Yes. That's it. But if it really bothers you that much, I'll stop."

"Nah, that's okay." America replied, smiling. "You can keep doing it. It's cool."

"Are you sure, America? If there's a problem, I can-"

"Nah. Really, it's fine." America responded, picking up his papers and going out. "Trust me." England was left standing alone in the meeting hall. Sighing, he picked his folder up.

"He always has been a strange child. Ever since he was my colony."

* * *

The next week, everything was back to normal. England and France fought, Italy yelled about pasta, and America interjected with cries of him being the hero.

"No way, Iggy! That plan'll never work! Let the hero come up with the plan!" America yelled, putting a few fries into his mouth.

"Maybe I'd listen to you if there weren't constantly bits of fast food being shoved into your mouth! At this rate your ass will grow bigger than your ego!"

America just laughed and sat back down. Slightly confused, Canada leaned over and tapped his brother's arm.

"Yeah, what's up Mattie?"

"Didn't you say you were going to ask him to stop, Alfred?" Canada whispered, giving America a questioning look. America simply smiled at his brother.

"Yeah, I did. But I realized I don't really care."

"I don't understand. You seemed really bothered by it before."

"It's fine now, Mattie. Okay?"

"If you say so, Alfred." Canada sighed, turning back to his paper. _I'll never understand my brother._


End file.
